


The Way She's Gotten Used To

by LameAssFan



Category: Bleach
Genre: Character Study, Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Momo cries a lot, Momo is strong AF and she doesnt get enough credit, Overcoming Trauma, Shinji tries a lot, Thousand Year Blood War Arc, maybe a little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26972884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LameAssFan/pseuds/LameAssFan
Summary: Momo and Shinji learn to strengthen their bond and their trust in one another in the middle of war, of all things.
Relationships: Hinamori Momo & Hirako Shinji, Hinamori Momo/Hirako Shinji
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Tired

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my first post on AO3, and i really hope y'all like this mini exploration into Hirako Shinji and Hinamori Momo - arguably, the most underrated pairing in Bleach that definitely deserved a deeper dive. This is me trying to fill in the gaps in their relationship's development because it's something I wish i'd seen in the manga.
> 
> I was heavily inspired to write by all the HiraHina/Shinmo fanfics here. There is not a lot at all, and i fully intend to add to the mix to sate my own hunger LMAO.
> 
> This chapter takes place a little over a year after Aizen's defeat, and 1-2 months before the war began. The next chapter is where I fully weave the fic into the TYBW Arc. Enjoy!

All Momo could think of was how tired she was - of a lot of things.

She was tired of everybody being too careful around her - like if they stepped too close or spoke too loudly, she would just break into shards.

She was tired of feeling like she had little to no control over things anymore. Perhaps when people told her they'd "take care of it" and that she "should just rest", they thought her to be nothing short of grateful. But really, all she ever felt was that she was useless.

She was tired of living in the shadows of the most hated man in all of Soul Society. She felt like whenever anybody looked at her, all they saw was Aizen - how he'd made a fool of her, how she never even once suspected him because of her blind admiration, and how he had almost killed her. Twice.

She was tired of waiting. A year after the fact, here she was - still trying to heal, still trying to forget, still trying. 

What the hell was taking so long?

"You know he used to be Aizen's captain, right?", Rangiku said cautiously, bringing her cup to her lips to sip her sake.

"Yes, I do know that", Momo replied flatly with her forehead on the bar top. "What I don't know is why you've dragged me all the way here."

Her friend said something about unwinding and having fun and all that. An answer she fully expected. She capped it with, "You could use the night out."

Momo scoffed at this and lifted her head. "I guess that's a welcome change from 'you could use some sleep'."

"Why don't you talk to your captain about... all this?", Rangiku asked, gesturing at Momo in general.

"Why would I?"

"I guess if there's anybody who would understand your feelings perfectly, it's him."

"Feelings is a nice word, Rangiku, but i think you mean trauma", Momo said quietly, burying her head in her arms folded over the table. "Also, Shiro understands me perfectly. You understand me perfectly. I don't need anybody else."

She felt Rangiku's hand on her head, ruffling her hair. Her friend had always done that ever since she chopped most of it off. "I know that. But we're not always there, right?"

"And my captain is?"

"More than we are on a daily basis, yes." Her tone was firm now, trying to persuade. "Momo, you have to form some sort of relationship with him eventually, right?"

She sighed. If she convinced herself hard enough, she could say she had a relationship with Captain Shinji Hirako. They could tolerate each other's presence in the office, yes. They got paperwork done on time without her having to berate him too much, yes. And he would train her from time to time, yes. That was a relationship, wasn't it? A good, professional relationship, and that's all it should be from now on.

So that's what she tells Rangiku, sitting in a crowded bar on a Friday night, surrounded by drunk shinigami and their unreasonably loud cackling and the smell of alcohol. "We work well enough together. That's all that matters." Rangiku's eyes were full of sadness, but also understanding. She didn't bring up any captain stuff after that.

Momo was tired. Maybe she could use some sleep. And maybe some sake would help.

-

Two hours and a bottle of sake later, Momo's head was spinning and she was drifting in and out of consciousness. Her eyes were cinched shut, but mostly because she wanted the world to stop moving around so much. She could make sense of a few things though:

Rangiku's voice to her right, slurring and whining and pleading. There was a faint buzzing noise that talked back at her. Was she on the phone?

And then, just moments later, a pair of hands guiding her off the barstool and slinging her over someone's back. Her eyes fluttered open just enough to notice a white haori.

"Shiro?", she mumbled. The figure froze for a few seconds before adjusting her with a gentle shake. It didn't answer.

Momo felt the wind whip at her face in short bursts, the shunpo making her slightly dizzier. She made a complaining noise and heard a deep chuckle in response.

Not long after, she was on a futon. Hers, she noted pleasingly, taking in the familiar scent and the way her body settled into every dip in the mattress perfectly. The fatigue that followed was immediate. She hummed contentedly as she drew the sheets up to her chin. A hand ruffled her hair gently, followed by the sound of footsteps leaving the room and the door closing.

As she drifted off that night, she couldn't help but wonder if Shiro's hands had always felt that warm.

-

She didn't drink that much at all, apparently. Rangiku said she finished up most of the bottle and that Momo probably had all of three cups before passing out.

"That's embarrassing", Toshirou said evenly. The three of them were at lunch the following day, in a small noodle house just a few steps from the 5th division. Momo was still clearly nursing a hangover.

"You suck at drinking just as much as I do", she retorted.

"That's why I don't do it at all, Momo", he said, quirking an eyebrow at her. "What were you thinking anyway?"

She jabbed a finger to her left, into Rangiku's shoulder. "Her fault."

"I don't recall telling you to drink way more than you can handle", Rangiku pouted. "I take no responsibility."

Toshirou said she never does, and the two of them bickered as Momo buried her head into her arms again. Her noodles were getting soggy, but she felt like three bites was enough to make her puke and she really couldn't eat any more.

Toshirou reached across the table and laid a hand on her head. "Hey you need to eat, stupid. You're getting thinner by the day."

Momo closed her eyes then, enjoying the familiar chill that lingered perpetually on his skin. "I see", she said under her breath.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, Shiro." She lifted her head and met his eyes, a hint of worry somewhere in there amongst his usual lack of emotion.

Their friendship wasn't that of quiet understandings and knowing glances. Toshirou was dense as a rock, and Momo had come to terms with the fact that if she wanted him to know how she felt, she would always have to say it to his face. Else, he'd just sit there and stare, much like what he was doing right now - sitting across from her with his arms crossed and his eyebrows raised expectantly. She stuck her tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes scowling.

One thing she's grateful for, though, is that Shiro knows she will always tell him everything eventually. So he never pushes a subject further than she'll allow. "I'll eat one more bite then I'm done", she said straightening up.

"Whatever. Matsumoto's paying anyway."

-

Momo wasn't sure he would be there - she never really paid attention to how her captain spent his weekends. But then she felt his reiatsu emanating faintly from his quarters, and she had to put much effort into not running in the other direction. The closer she got to the door, the louder her heart thumped in her chest. She wasn't even sure why. All she was going to do was thank him and apologize. Easy, right? She knocked twice. No answer. Twice more and she heard rustling inside.

She could still turn the other way and shunpo right out of there. She had time-

The door slid open, and she was met with Shinji's tall and slender frame. He was in a grey, pin-striped yukata with a black obi wrapped lazily around his waist. His hair was slightly messy, and he squinted in the daylight, obviously fresh out of bed.

"Hinamori", he acknowledged when he looked down at her. "Shit- why is it so bright? What time is it?"

"Its- uh, half past noon, sir", she stammered, trying to hide the furious blush that's surely been rising to her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd still be asleep. I'll come back another time." She had only bowed halfway when he spoke.

"Don't be silly. Come inside. I was going to make tea", he said coolly, turning away from her and leaving the door open.

"But-"

"Don't make me order you, lieutenant."

At that, she scrambled inside and closed the door behind her. He'd quickly slapped on a vinyl and music filled her ears, soothing her along with the smell of fresh linen. She recognized the record as one of his office favorites, but could never quite remember to whom it belonged.

"You gonna keep standing there?", he asked from somewhere in the kitchen.

Momo made her way quietly to the dining table before remembering her manners. "I can make the tea for you, sir."

"No, your job is to sit still and enjoy a lil' John Coltrane", he said with his back turned. Ah, that's the one.

Momo did, in fact, sit very still with her hands folded neatly on her lap. Her eyes wandered through Shinji's room, observing the many curious posters that decorated the walls. She could see his bedroom door from her seat, slightly ajar. There was a stack of books and magazines beside his futon and a pair of... headphones, was it? That thing he wore over his head during lunch breaks, when he'd tap his foot on the floor absentmindedly while eating at his desk.

Huh. He doesn't really eat out that much, does he? Always getting take-out and eating at the office, at least as far as she's noticed.

Momo had been pulled out of her daze by a teacup landing with a clunk right in front of her, followed by Shinji pouring in some tea before sitting down across from her. She thanked him quietly and picked up the cup. She brought it close to her nose and took a deep breath in. It smelled wonderful, and the steam in itself was doing wonders for her throbbing head.

"So?", he started, leaning onto the table and cradling his chin in one hand. 

She flinched at the sound of his voice. The music stopped then, but her captain didn't bother standing up to put another record in.

* * *

Shinji was on his way home from overtime when Rangiku called. "Hey, darlin'. You finally taking me up on my offer?", he asked playfully.

"Captain Hirako", she said, her voice slurring through the faint static. "You need to help Momo."

He froze just steps away from his door. "Something happen to her?", he asked calmly.

"She's had three things of sake and now she's passed out and I'm not doing so hot myself so I can't help her get home", she whined. A sigh escaped Shinji as he rubbed at his temples. Then he laughed.

"You took her drinking without knowing how much she could handle?"

"I didn't think she'd be _this_ bad", she retorted.

The captain grumbled something about asking 'the ice midget' for help, to which Rangiku replied that he'd probably kill her on the spot. "You're the best candidate for the job!", she chimed, sounding a little too happy.

"Fine", Shinji relented after a while. "Where are you?"

-

"Shiro?", Momo mumbled as he slung her over his back, her arms dangling from his shoulders. He shot Rangiku a look that fully said 'I told you so'. She only shook her head and waved her hand at them dismissively.

He didn't answer Momo. Her friend would probably tell her eventually. Not that it mattered, anyway. So what if she thought Hitsugaya came to her rescue tonight and not him? That'll probably make her a little less glum for a few days. So he'll take it.

The first time Shinji met Momo was when she was at the infirmary, still recovering from Aizen's latest attempt at killing her. Unohana was saying something about how she probably wont wake up for another week, and then something about her will to live. But all he could focus on was the mess of tubes and wires connecting her to things that were trying to keep her alive. She looked so small, so frail, and he found it miraculous she was even alive.

_What an asshole_ , he thought to himself.

Unohana had warned him that she might not come out of it the same - she barely did the first time. "Momo is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met", she had said as they looked on through the glass. "I know its too much to ask already, all things considered. But if... when Momo makes it, she will need someone to take care of her." When he didn't respond, she began walking back the way she came.

"She'll need to learn how to trust again."

Shinji watches her for a moment after he laid her down on the futon, looking just a little thinner than yesterday, and he wonders if he's been doing a good job at all.

-

He opened the door, fully expecting Rose and/or Kensei to barge in with a bottle of something to kick off the weekend. But there was only a shit ton of sunlight and-

"Hinamori", he said, trying not to act too surprised. He asked the time and she said it was half past noon. Still a bit early by his weekend standards, and half of him wanted to let her leave when she said she would. But, surprising even himself, he stopped her and offered - demanded - she stay for tea.

Momo was quiet enough while she waited for him on the dining table. He would have preferred she sat on the couch so it would feel a little more casual, but he didn't complain. He turned his head at some point to watch her from the corner of his eye. She was like a doll, all posed and unmoving. Man, she _has_ gotten thinner.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, lieutenant?", he asked, feeling his lips curl into a half smile. She hadn't spoken a word since he sat down.

"Thank you for helping me home last night", she finally managed. "And I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you, sir." So Rangiku did tell her. He scratched his head.

"You dont have to apologize, you know. I'm used to hauling drunk people home", he said casually. When she didn't answer and simply looked down at her hands, he sighed. "It's good to get wasted at least once in your life. Lets you know how much you can actually handle. Makes sense?"

She visibly perked up at this, looking him straight in the eye for the first time today. She doesn't look like she's been sleeping well either. "Y-yes, sir."

They sat in silence for what felt like hours. The music had stopped for some reason - guess that vinyl finally wore out. And he wanted to put a new one in to get rid of the deafening quiet, but he was glued to his seat and his eyes were glued to her as she took measly sips from her cup. "I guess I should have agreed to let you make tea", he teased.

Momo shook her head furiously. "I'm sorry, It's not that, sir. I just-"

"I'm kidding", he interrupted gently. "It was a joke. Its all good."

"Oh", she said under her breath. "I'm sorry." She apologizes so much that if he says that out loud, it would probably earn another apology. Really, you have to be a special kind of evil to break something as bright and chipper as she allegedly used to be.

"So how's it going?", he asked suddenly.

She glanced upwards briefly, pondering. "Oh, well, I've gotten most of the paperwork for Monday done yesterday but there's-"

Shinji waved a hand at her dismissively. "I meant you, silly, not the stinking paperwork", he scowled. "Like... how've you been feelin' lately?"

Momo blinked at him for a moment, stunned, then she smiled a small unhappy smile. "I've had better days, sir."

Shinji hummed in acknowledgement and swirled his cup against the table. He didn't think he'd get this far. What would somebody good with feelings say next?

"Do you... wanna talk about it?" His tone was apprehensive and just lousy. He would understand if Momo thought the question to be insincere. "I've got all day."

She sighed and buried her face in her hands. Oh no. Did he just make her cry, of all things? "I'm just tired", she said, her tone even. "So tired."

"I'm sorry I uh, forced you to stay for tea. You can leave now if you want. I'm sure you've got a nasty hangover." He probably sounded a little more panicked than he should be. But Momo looked like she was about to cry and Shinji really didn't want her to cry.

Momo managed a small shake of her head. "I'll stay", she said quietly, picking up her cup and taking a longer sip of her tea. No tears, he observed. Just an overwhelming amount of sadness and other unpleasant feelings strewn all over her face. "I'm afraid I have nowhere else to be."

When Shinji took their empty cups back to the sink, he quickly sent a text to Rose and Kensei telling them not to show up at his place for the rest of the day.

* * *

Momo was sitting on the couch trying to read a book, and her captain was sitting on the opposite end with one leg over the other. The phonograph was hard at work and he was tapping his foot on the floor to the rhythm, his eyes fixated on a magazine.

"So what'll it be for tonight?", he asked, not bothering to look up.

Momo sighed as she closed her book, thankful for the distraction. She let her head fall back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling. "I haven't had dumplings in a while", she thought out loud.

"The ones down the street?"

She scrunched her nose. "The ones two streets over. Those taste much better." She heard his magazine close loudly, followed by Shinji standing up and stretching every which way, his joints creaking and popping as he did.

"That works", he said. "I'm taking a leak." Momo watched him disappear from her view and into the bathroom. She sighed again.

This had been the fourth straight weekend that her and Shinji have been "hanging out", as he put it. He said it was about time they made an effort to get to know each other. "I happen to be an awesome friend", he'd said proudly. "You should probably just call me Shinji." Momo shook her head furiously at this.

That day she came by his quarters to thank him was the first time she'd come close to smiling and laughing genuinely, and even she was surprised. Positive emotions tend to do that when you haven't had them in a while.

When he noticed this, he immediately suggested they hang out at his place every Saturday. His place! Momo was obviously taken aback by the idea, but Shinji was so casual about it that she found herself agreeing.

So that day, they sat and talked. Mostly about nothing in particular, but Momo found it distracting, at least, from the thoughts swimming in her head. She also offered to make him something for lunch - which he didn't oppose because apparently, he "cant cook for shit". Momo left just as the sun started to set, feeling more refreshed than she anticipated.

The next weekend, he told her to stay for dinner - take-out, to be specific. "You'd think people would stop talking behind my back and staring at me weird after a hundred years. Guess not", he'd said nonchalantly. So that's why he rarely eats out. That bit of information was surprising to her, what with the way her captain has always looked so secure in himself. She agreed that they would take turns deciding on food, and that they'd eat at his quarters.

As much as she hated to owe it to another person, Momo did feel better. Not quite there yet, but _better_. And the precious trust she'd kept locked away had gradually made itself known.

And yet, something in her head never stopped telling her to run.

"The ceiling cannot be that interesting", Shinji said as he stepped out of the bathroom, wiping his hands on a washcloth. 

Momo took a deep breath. "Something's bound to go wrong", she said before she could stop herself.

"And why's that?"

"Because whenever I start to feel good about myself, someone's always ready to try and kill me." Momo didn't hear him move, so she lifted her head and looked to where he was standing. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"You're free to accuse me of treason if it makes you feel any better", he said. His tone was joking, like usual, but the look on his face betrayed him.

"That's not what I meant, sir", she replied. Or maybe it was. She didn't know anymore. She buried her head in her hands and mumbled an apology.

Momo heard him sigh and felt him take a seat beside her - just a little closer than usual. "I'm not about to hurt you if that's what you're afraid of."

"I'm not afraid", she said sharply. "I'm tired."

"You say that all the time. Tired of what?"

"Of people I trust running their stupid swords through me", Momo replied, her tone dangerously even. She shifted in her seat to face him. "Why don't you just get it over with."

"Fucking hell, Hinamori", he said, exasperated. "I'm not Aizen, okay?"

Something in her cracked at the mention of his name, and before she knew it, tears were running down her face.

* * *

Shinji was all panic and cluelessness, of course. Momo was crying and he'd been doing all of this specifically so she wouldn't do that. She was unmoving, leaning almost too casually over the arm rest as her tears kept flowing. She almost looked shocked, as if she was still processing the things in her head and the wetness on her cheeks.

"Shit, no, okay, I'm sorry, please don't cry", he said in quick succession. Then he reached for her and pulled her in for an embrace. He felt her wrestle his grip for a while before finally settling down and sobbing silently into his yukata.

_What the hell even is this_ , was all he could think about. Shinji was never the type to hug people when they cried - he'd be the type to tell them to stop being such a wuss. Yet here he was, trapping Momo in an awkward embrace and letting her cry her tired little heart out.

When her sobbing died down, he held her by the shoulders and looked straight into her swollen eyes. "I promise ill never stab you, at least not intentionally", he said. _Shit. Let's try that again._

"Im your captain. I know it's hard on you, and this is fucking rich coming from me, but I'm trying to be someone you can trust.", he said a little gentler this time. "Emphasis on trying, because as it turns out, I effectively suck at this."

Momo's expression softened. "No you don't, sir", she replied. "I think I'm just difficult to begin with."

He smiled at her then. "Cant really blame you if you are. I'm saying I'm here to help you, so deal with it and stop pushing me away."

Her eyebrows furrowed and she frowned a little. That shit was kinda cute and it made Shinji's heart do a weird flip.

"You know what'll make you feel better? Dumplings." He stood up and trotted back to his bedroom, leaning with his back against the door once he closed it.

_Well, fuck._

-

Shinji thinks his friends don't notice. 

How he unconsciously leans towards her, just a tad, whenever she speaks. How he laughs and smiles a little more than usual whenever she's around. And how his eyes have had a different shine to them lately.

He thinks he's got it under control.

He had invited Momo to spend a Sunday in Rose's quarters with him and Kensei. "Lots of food, some chit chat and a few drinks - 'cept for you obviously. Kira and Shuhei will be there, it'll be fun." Of course, that last part was his doing - Shinji knew she'd clam up if it were just the four of them. So he convinced the two to bring their lieutenants along because "the more the merrier", or something like that.

He was still convinced that he sucked at this taking care thing. But he intended to keep trying.

"Momo, dear, I'm glad you could come over", Rose greeted warmly when she'd walked through the door and bowed. Kensei ruffled her hair wordlessly when she passed by. She sat between Kira and Shuhei on one of the other couches.

Unbelievably, as the day went by, she began smiling, all the way till her eyes closed. She was even laughing. And she wasn't folding in over herself or burying her head in her hands. Shinji felt a swell of pride, and then warmth. He knew this was a good idea.

"This guy hasn't been giving you problems, has he?", Kensei asked her sternly at some point. She chuckled - chuckled! - and shook her head, saying something that made the rest of them laugh but something he didn't really catch because he was busy staring dumbly at her and her smile.

When the three lieutenants busied themselves looking through Rose's CD collection, Rose stood up and passed by Shinji, giving him a gentle tap on his shoulder. He shot him a confused look, which only lasted until Kensei gave him a smack upside the head.

The three of them walked to the kitchen and spoke in hushed voices. "She's changed, Shinji", Rose said.

"Has she now?"

"I could wipe the floor with that shit-eating grin on your face", Kensei said. "And she's not the only one who's changing."

Shinji raised his eyebrows at both of them. "I don't follow."

"Oh darling", Rose said sweetly. "You like her, don't you?"

He felt the heat rising to his cheeks and he fought to keep it hidden. "The hell gave you that idea?"

"Fuck's sake, man. You look distracted and stupid and you cant stop staring at her."

"Wh-- I'm just glad she's finally back to normal!"

"Hush, they'll hear you", Rose scolded, swatting at the air. "And you can deny all you want, we see absolutely all of it. You like Momo."

"I--" Shinji failed to suppress a groan. "She's my lieutenant."

"What's wrong with that?", Kensei shrugged.

"A lot of things, ya dildo", Shinji hissed. "It's too soon. I don't want her to think I'm doing this for her just because I have a crush on-"

"Captain!", Momo cried from the living room.

At the sound of her voice, the Visored darted from the kitchen. The three lieutenants were standing in a tight huddle, Momo trembling in Kira's arms. The last of a hell butterfly dissipated from Shuhei's fingertip as he looked to Kensei, nothing short of horrified.

"There's been an attack at the 1st division. Lieutenant Sasakibe is dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it this far! Feedback is highly appreciated!


	2. Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Momo and Shinji interactions through the TYBW arc. Some spoilers ahead!

"Spread out and eliminate all the Quincies. Do not stop until every single one is dead." That had been the only order given out after the attack began. The Captain General didn't even call for a meeting, only relying on Tenteikura to pass on the message.

It was a weekend, no less. Shinji and Momo were in the middle of an argument over what to have for dinner when the ground began to shake beneath them. They received the order not long after and shot up from their seats.

"Stay close and don't do anything stupid." That had been the only order he had given her when they left the 5th division. 

The Gotei 13 knew what was coming - the death of Chojiro Sasakibe made it impossibly clear. But none of them could have prepared for how quickly the Quincies had been able to desecrate the Seireitei, and even rid four captains of their bankai.

This was happening. Soul Society was falling, and they had to do something about it.

It was carnage all around them, a mess of flesh and blood and rubble as the familiar stench of death and smoke hung in the air. Shinji watched Momo from the corner of his eye occasionally, making sure she had enough presence of mind not to get killed within the first hour.

"Listen to me", he said firmly when they paused in their running to hide behind a wall. "I know you're scared. I am too, because I honestly have no idea if we're gonna win this time." Momo's eyes were suddenly very watery, and her lip began quivering. Shinji put a hand on the top of her head and smiled like nothing was wrong.

"We're both scared. So that's all the more reason to protect each other. Right?"

She wiped at her eyes with her sleeve and nodded, her resolve visibly hardening.

"Can I trust you to have my back, lieutenant?"

"Always, sir."

"Good. Now stay sharp."

-

When Captain General Yamamoto fell dead, Shinji and Momo were cutting down the last of the foot soldiers they encountered.

It hit both of them like a sucker punch. His reiatsu was there, overwhelming in its strength, and then it was gone. The sensation was so jarringly painful that Shinji could have sworn he got hit by a Quincy arrow.

When he turned to Momo, she was staring wide-eyed into the heavens, her mouth hanging open in horror and disbelief. After a quick surveillance of the surrounding area, he shunpoed to her side and caught her in a tight embrace, his enormous haori shielding her from the rest of the world.

"He's gone", she cried out, her voice breaking into a sob. Her hands flew to his back and her fists clenched.

"I know."

"Its over. It's over isn't it?"

"Like hell it is." He was furious, but not at her. Never at her. He was furious at how the world just wouldn't stop hurting them. 

He held Momo a little tighter, willing his own words to be true. 

The sounds of battle ceased all around them as the opposing side retreated. Shinji took the time to asses where they were -- he could barely tell from the lack of proper structures still standing. When he saw the first division's office still intact in the distance, he allowed himself a sigh of relief.

"Come on." Shinji coaxed Momo off his chest, steadying her with his hands on her shoulders. "Let's get our shit together."

* * *

There was nothing peaceful about a momentary cease fire in the middle of war. It was all regrouping and re-strategizing and training. And on top of that, they had to find the time - not to mention the headspace - to grieve and to move on, all at the same time.

Momo had been discouraged from seeing Kira whilst he underwent major reconstruction at the 12th division. And the 4th division was so overwhelmed with patients that she couldn't bear to drop by to see how Rangiku and Shiro were doing. On top of that, only the captains were allowed to attend the late Captain General's memorial. There wasn't a body to bury, apparently. Only his scorched zanpakutou was left of him, and that had sent a chill down her spine every time she remembered.

She felt, in the first day following the initial attack, truly and painfully alone.

It was dusk. Momo had been sitting on a tattered couch in whatever remained of their office with her knees drawn to her chest, when her captain walked in. She perked up at the familiar reiatsu as it got closer.

"Hey", he sighed as he plopped down beside her, throwing his arm over the back rest. She hummed in acknowledgement.

"How was it?", she asked quietly.

"Tch. Soi Fon and Kensei damn near went at it and Komamura looked just about ready to bite their asses off." His tone was trying to be playful, trying to be casual, because that's just how he dealt with everything. Emphasis on trying, because he effectively sucked at it. "Rose was upset about not seeing Kira."

Momo nodded knowingly. "Akon wouldn't let me either." She felt his hand ruffle her hair in a way she'd gotten used to, and she felt her eyes drift shut. "The office is a mess."

She heard him chuckle and, despite herself, a smile crept across her lips. "I was planning on redecorating anyway", he said.

Momo withdrew her legs momentarily to rest her head on Shinji's lap. She curled up on herself again and took a deep breath when he didn't flinch. She felt his slender fingers run through her hair soothingly. "You tired?", he asked.

She shook her head, surprising herself. Momo felt anything but tired. She was furious, afraid, determined, maybe a little hungry. But most of all, she was incredibly sad. So that's what she tells her captain.

Shinji said he was too, but said nothing more after that, only patting her reassuringly until he drifted off in his seat from the fatigue. Before she fell asleep herself, Momo thought about how she wasn't so alone after all.

-

The 5th division's barracks was absolutely decimated, so Shinji and Momo helped their remaining men hole up in whatever intact training rooms they had left. There was barely any room to fit everybody, so the two of them opted to stay in the office. Of course they had all protested, going so far as to offer their spots to their commanding officers.

"Captain's orders. You all should be able to rest comfortably since you fought so hard", Momo had told them. "Don't worry about us."

The shinigami, in near tears, all bowed and thanked them.

One of the office walls had broken down and there was dust everywhere, but with a bit of cleaning up, they managed to make it somewhat livable. Shinji's phonograph had even survived, as well as most of his records, much to his excitement.

Momo was munching on a packet of crackers as she scribbled furiously at her desk, her captain's haori draped over her shoulders. It was night now, and they woke from their nap when the breeze began picking up. Without any of the food stalls open, they had to settle for the snacks Shinji had hoarded in one of their drawers.

"We need to do a head count first thing tomorrow", she said absentmindedly. "Then there's rationing, training and-"

Ella Fitzgerald's voice travelled through the room, scatting beautifully in time with the music. Momo knew this one - it was one of her few favorites. She wondered if her captain knew that about her. A smile crept across her face before she could stop it.

Shinji sauntered over to his desk, humming as he went. He picked up his bag of chips and leaned back in his seat. "Maybe the assholes don't like jazz", he jested.

"They do look like the classical type", she joked back, earning a laugh in response.

They both resumed their scribbling and - unbeknownst to her - she began singing along with Ella. Shinji did too, when the other singer's parts came up. And for a while, it felt normal again. Like the office didn't have a gaping hole and like the world hadn't just ended.

Just the two of them and the snacks and the music. A typical weekend.

Momo heard faint beeping noises from Shinji's phone and looked up just in time to see him snapping it shut. She raised her eyebrows in a question. "We have a meeting early in the morning."

"We?"

"You and third seat are coming with."

Momo nodded somberly. The Soul Society had been backed up against a wall, and they were desperately running out of time, not to mention able bodies.

She enjoyed Shinji's company and the snacks and the music that night, uncertain if she'll ever have a chance to do so again.

-

"Oh, a lieutenant", the female Quincy mused, looking up at Momo as she charged from above. "So which one is it? The doggy or the dead one over there?"

She caught a glimpse of Shinji, bloodied and unconscious on the concrete, and seethed. Her captain wasn't dead - his reiatsu was there, faint but there.

Nonetheless, this bitch was going to pay.

The next few seconds were a blur. Captain Komamura had stopped her in mid-air, saying something about her being careless and then something about Tobiume not working. She could barely process any of it, only snapping back to reality when she was plopped unceremoniously beside Shinji. 

Komamura told her to stay behind him, and immediately she clung onto her captain, resting his head in the crook of her neck as the onslaught began. The ground shook and the air was scorching and the light that surrounded them was so bright, it seeped through her lids.

Momo was sure they were done for. She was sure they would never have weekend hangouts with takeout dinner and jazz ever again. She held onto Shinji just a bit tighter, apologizing for being a little too late. Before the tears could form, she felt his hand in her hair in a gesture she knew all too well. She held it in place and said a prayer to whoever was listening.

After what seemed like hours, it was over. She had to take a few seconds to make sure she was actually still alive, because how the hell could they have survived an attack like that? Then she looked to her captain, his eyes cinched shut and his breaths labored, still alive but hurting very badly.

Komamura - or at least that's who she thought the man in front of her was - ordered her to take Shinji somewhere safe, somewhere far away. She thanked him, draped her captain's arm around her shoulders and shunpoed away.

* * *

Shinji's eyes shot open and darted around him in a frenzy. His breaths were rapid, uneven. He felt his heart pounding erratically as if he'd been yanked from death itself.

The first thing that registered was the pain. All of it, all at once. He groaned as he tried to sit up, cussing up a storm under his breath.

The next thing that registered was that he was alone, in a bare room made of stone somewhere in this... town. It wasn't the Seireitei anymore, he remembered that much. Then he remembered more things - the female Quincy ripping him apart with a beam of white light, Komamura's voice somewhere in the mix at some point, and then his hand in Momo's hair as the last of his strength left him and the world burned around them.

Momo.

"Momo!", he called out in a panic. He called once more, as loud as he could muster. Nothing. As he struggled to lift himself, a fireball whizzed outside to his right. There was a guttural noise, and then silence. Then footsteps running to his direction. Shinji swore he could have cried when he saw Momo's figure through the smoke.

"Momo-" He didn't have time to ask her where the hell she'd been or why the hell her head was bleeding, before she collapsed between his legs, crushing him in a tight embrace. That shit hurt, but he wasn't about to complain.

She was sobbing now, gripping at his haori for dear life. All he could do was laugh and bury his face in her hair. "Hell of a day, ain't it?", he said weakly when her sobs died down. She nodded into his chest wordlessly, and he laughed again.

"Thank you", she said quietly as she peeled herself off of him. 

"Wh- I'm the one all patched up here thanks to you. The hell you thanking me for?"

She smiled all too sweetly, a stark contrast to everything else around them. "For finally calling me Momo."

His eyes widened ever so slightly, his heart doing its weird flips again. "Why's that something you gotta thank me for?"

"Because it makes me feel... important. And trusted", she said shyly. "And coming from you, that makes me feel like I have purpose."

Shinji was sure his mouth was hanging open, and that he looked considerably stupid. But he simply couldn't believe what he was hearing. All this time, he'd been holding back on calling her by her first name because he feared it'd be too forward or a little too friendly and he never wanted to overstep their boundaries. Or maybe it was because he didn't want to feel any more attached than he already was.

Wow, he really was a dumbass.

"You've always been important", he mumbled. "Fuck, I'm sorry it took me this long to show you." His hand drifted to her hair again before finding placement on the side of her face instead. She blushed at the contact before leaning into his palm. His heart was doing all its weird flips and dances, and this time he didn't try to stop it.

"You're not allowed to die today", he said suddenly, firmly, like it was an order. Maybe it was. He knew Momo would never disobey a direct order, so maybe that's what it would take.

She smiled and gave a small nod. "Yes, sir."

-

The last of the seated officials were in a lab with Urahara, talking about opening a door to the Soul King's palace, when Shunsui showed up. He said he went and asked someone for help, but Shinji felt the familiar presence before the new Captain General could tell them who it was.

He turned to Momo in a slight panic, gripping her shoulder firmly. "He's here. Don't be scared, he cant hurt you."

Momo's eyes widened in sheer horror, either by his words or by the overwhelming reiatsu that suddenly began flooding the place, he wasn't sure. But he never took his eyes off her, reminding her gently to just look at him when her gaze began to wander. "Why is he-"

She froze as she looked past him, right at Aizen. Her eyes were blown wide in a terrified daze, and he could do very little to snap her out of it.

Seething, he turned around to look the bastard in the eye. Aizen smiled and tilted his head to get a view of Momo. "Hello, pet," he said to her, his tone devilishly sweet. "Did you miss me?"

"Aizen", Shinji spat, his fists clenching and his eyebrows furrowing further. But then he felt Momo's trembling hand rest on his, and he relented almost immediately.

"Im sorry. Im okay", she whispered, obviously choking back a sob. "He cant hurt me anymore." He took her hand in his and gripped it firmly.

"You've gone soft, captain", Aizen mused. "I don't remember you ever holding my hand. That makes me a little jealous."

"Eat shit and die", Shinji replied flatly.

"That's enough." Shunsui's voice was thunderous, echoing in the space and grabbing all of their attention. 

Instantly, Soi Fon was yelling her heart out about betrayal and dishonor. Shinji had stayed quiet for most of Shunsui's explanation, his hand never letting go of Momo's. He'd given up on thinking about why Shunsui went to Aizen, of all people, because he knew the former to be reasonable. Calculated. If Aizen was here, then it meant they were that desperate to win, and they were running out of options.

"Please tell me he's going straight back into his hole once this is all over", Momo said softly at some point. The smallest of smiles formed on her lips, and Shinji couldn't be prouder.

-

"We're being shot at, aren't we?", Shinji asked Urahara quietly as they ran through the rubble. The man only sighed and nodded.

"Arrows?"

"A rifle. I saw this guy in the reports", Urahara said.

Shinji heard Momo call out to Shuhei a few steps behind him. There wasn't a response. "Do _not_ stop running", he barked, not looking away from the road. "They've got a fucking sniper. And here I thought guns weren't a thing around these parts."

"My, my. You should really watch your language, Captain Hirako", Shunsui hummed. He, Urahara, and Shinji had a hushed conversation about what to do. Shunsui would stay behind to deal with the pest, and the rest of them would keep going.

When the Captain General turned on his heel and dashed in the opposite direction, Shinji had to remind everybody not to stop. He had to remind them what a Captain General's job is, too. He had to be a captain himself - he had to lead, and he had to be strong. It was all he could do as their odds of winning grew slimmer and slimmer.

It didn't matter that he was beyond scared shitless, or that he wasn't fully healed and felt like collapsing any minute now, or that this was beginning to look more and more like a suicide mission. What mattered was that he tried, even though he effectively sucked at trying.

* * *

Momo didn't think anything could happen that fast - one minute they were fighting this muscular guy, and actually winning. The next, he'd grown impossibly large, and was trampling everything in his path.

The ground gave out beneath her, and she couldn't find the scream she opened her mouth for. She wanted to yell for her captain, wanted to shunpo out of there. But he was nowhere to be seen and there was so much smoke and she suddenly couldn't breathe right.

Then she felt a hand grab her wrist hard, and she looked up to find her captain with a wild look in his eyes. He was saying something, but all she could hear was the ringing in her ears.

Just then, an enormous shadow engulfed both of them, and their eyes widened simultaneously.

Without much more thought, she yanked Shinji towards her with surprising strength, crushing him against her. She raised both her arm and Tobiume behind his back to block. He wrapped his arms around her, clutching her with his life. "What are you--"

The scream finally rose from her lungs, her voice nearly cracking. "BAKUDO 39, ENKOSEN!"

The spinning yellow disk formed directly on top of them just as the hand descended. The impact was strong enough to separate them and she yelled for him through the chaos. She could only hope the barrier was strong enough to soften the blow, that her captain's back didn't splinter in a hundred different places as the barrier broke. All she could do was hope, and she hated every second of it.

She landed with a violent thud onto solid concrete, Tobiume clanging on the ground beside her. Boulders were still falling, and all she managed to do was curl into a fetal position, close her eyes, and hope she wouldn't get crushed.

Somewhere, among the noise and the destruction, she yelled out his name, hoping he would hear and that it would have the same effect it had on her - that it would give him strength to stay alive until she found him.

She could only hope. 

* * *

He heard his name rip through the air moments before he lost consciousness. Her voice, and his name.

He tried to think, tried to stand, tried everything. His body refused to move and he felt heavy as the concrete slabs all around him.

Dammit. He really did suck at this.

Her name was all that fell off his lips before he slipped into nothingness.

-

_"We're both scared. So that's all the more reason to protect each other. Right?"_

_They were careening towards the ground so quickly, and this giant hand was about to smash them into pieces. They were going to die, he was sure of it. But all he could think about was how warm she felt._

_He closed his eyes. Dying in her arms wouldn't be the worst way to go._

_"Can I trust you to have my back, lieutenant?"_

_"Always, sir."_

-

"He's awake. Oh my- He's awake!!"

A thick haze was clouding his vision as he opened his eyes. There were rapid beeps and frantic footsteps and the shuffling of fabric. There was something on his face, a mask, that he knows is supposed to help him breathe.

"Get Lieutenant Hinamori here. The captain's awake!"

At the mention of her name, his vitals shot up, and the beeps grew more insistent. Two nurses, maybe three, were on either of his sides in a heartbeat, poking and probing and checking.

"Sir, please stay calm. Do you know who you are?" Shinji nodded his head. "Do you remember the last thing that happened to you?" The images played back like a black and white movie, soundless and brief. He nodded his head.

"Good, good. You'll be fine, Captain, but you need to relax. You're safe now."

He can't relax until she's here, is what he wants to tell the nurse. He can't feel safe until he knows - he _sees_ \- she's safe. His fists clenched weakly.

He heard the door swing open. There were hushed conversations, the sound of sniffling, and the door closing again.

Shinji heard her voice, quiet and breaking because of the lump in her throat.

"Captain?"

He turned his head slightly to her direction, just enough to watch her from the corner of his eye. He sighed of relief and managed a smile.

She collapsed by his bedside, taking his hand and placing it against her hair. His fingers curled slowly, reflexively ruffling the strands in the way he always had. She smiled through the tears gathering in her eyes.

"It's good to see you too", she managed. The sobs that followed shook both of them a different way, but Shinji felt no pain, no urgent need to stop her. He allowed her to sob into his hand, into the sheets, thankful she wasn't noticing the way his eyes were watering.

* * *

"The Enkosen made all the difference. Without it, I'm not sure either of you could have survived", Isane said as she pushed a syringe into Shinji's arm. He winced slightly and made a complaining noise, earning a chuckle from Momo. "That was a smart, split-second move, Hinamori."

She scratched the back of her neck and smiled sheepishly. They made more small talk as Shinji settled against the headboard, poking at the cotton swab where the needle had pierced. Momo shot him a look and he immediately stopped.

"Well then. Captain Hirako should be good to leave in three to four days, provided he doesn't wrestle with the nurses again", Isane said as she readied to leave the room. Her captain never liked hospitals - he mentioned that one weekend before the war happened. He said he hates the way it makes him feel helpless, whether he was the one sick in bed or not.

Momo thanked Isane and saw her out.

She turned back to her captain after closing the door and sat by his bedside. "The ceiling cannot be that interesting", she teased when he noticed him spacing out. He frowned at her, and then stared. Momo quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

"You're right. The ceiling isn't nearly as interesting as you are", he said weakly, flashing his signature grin. Momo failed to contain a laugh and it took every ounce of her strength to resist slapping him on the arm, not to mention blushing from the pick-up line. He hadn't stopped flirting ever since he could use his vocal chords again, and it was absolutely hilarious. He had no shame about it too, not caring whether it was Rangiku or Toshirou or the nurses or the Visoreds in there with her. They all had to stop Kensei from smacking him behind the head at some point, and Momo had to catch Hiyori's sandal in mid-air.

"Go to sleep, sir", she said. "I'll be back tomorrow." Before she could stand, his hand was on hers, and he was pulling her towards him slightly.

"Thank you", he said quietly.

"For what?"

He rolled his eyes and smirked. "You really gonna make me say it? I mean, it's a little obvious."

Momo chuckled, no longer bothering to resist the flush in her cheeks. "Fine. You're welcome."

"I'm glad you're safe."

"I'm glad you're safe too, captain."

"And-- I really hope you wont slap me for this."

"What?"

He leaned in tentatively, and Momo's eyes widened. His lips met hers in a gentle kiss, and she sighed as she inched closer. 

Everything else was gone - the rest of the room, the sounds of construction outside, the steady hum of the machine beside his bed. There was just him, his lips on hers, and a feeling so good and kind and warm that she didn't think it possible.

All Momo could think about was how tired she was - of a lot of things. 

She was tired of feeling sorry for herself when she was obviously more capable than she ever thought she was. She was tired of letting people down and shutting people out because of how she'd let the darkness eat her up. And she was just so tired of being _tired_. 

"Is it bad that I don't think I'll be able to keep my hands off you?", Shinji asked when their lips finally parted.

"I guess you have to try", she teased, lacing her fingers with his.

"I'm bound to fail then."

"And why's that?"

"Because I effectively suck at trying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAA thank you if you've made it this far! Is it bad that i'm super proud of this fic lol, I worked too hard on this. Your feedback is highly appreciated!
> 
> I fully intend to make oneshots of their adventures with each other and with other characters. The best part of Bleach, for me, was not how crazy strong everybody was. It's the characters' relationships with one another, and i feel like i needed more of that in the manga.
> 
> Also, the romance isn't canon, of course, but how I wish it were.
> 
> I'm always looking for people to discuss Bleach with, so feel free to comment below!


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